2008 Recap

This is a report, with some edits, summing up my unsuccess in 2008. i am leaving off my one night stands (& other forgetables) and of course my-mom-set-me-up disaster.

Dating is awkward. Planned, Paired Off, and Paid For; the supposed definition of a date. A better definition: Awkward. I am pretty sure I am ready for a relationship. And I am pretty sure my heart is whole and ready to love. But for some darned reason I am having a really hard time being swept off my feet.
To break the ice I had my BDFC date last summer. And then I had my first rebound kiss with the DJ at Gienelle's wedding in September 07. And then the ball really got rolling when Natalie and I decided to get a New Years Kiss no matter what (and succeeded). Since then (1/1/08) the game has been in motion. Let me recap (in no particular order) some of the highlights (purposely leaving out the low lights like my date to the sweethearts ball that told me that he was excited that I was better looking than his X wife.)

Guy #1 Great Guy. He met all of my dating qualifications. He calls and asks me out early in the week for the weekend. This happens every week for 2 months. Great dates, great guy, no spark. He was intelligent, good conversationalist, but there was no chemistry. I am a pretty flirty person and I could NOT flirt with him. We held hands and awkwardly cuddled. After 2 months I asked him why he kept asking me out. He then asked me: Why do you keep saying yes? This was the end of the "relationship". But this was not a relationship. There was no DTR, no mid week chats (a few texts, but that doesn't really count). He even agreed that it was not a relationship even though he confessed he wasn't dating anyone else. THE END

Guy #2 He also met all the dating qualifications. He was basically the most complimentary, romantic guy ever. Persistent, upfront, committed, brought gifts, flowers, he can cook (and does), and he always eased my worries when I was stressed. He is fun, creative, intelligent, and ambitious . . . I am an idiot. For months he declared his feelings, and time and time again I turned him down. Each time I turned him down he would stay my friend and be loyal and fabulous. He would get jealous but never mad. Damn my feelings or rather the lack of them.

Guy #3 Good Guy. He is dependable, funny, athletic, faithful. Who ever said guys were slow to commit never met this guy. Every time we hung out we were in a relationship. And when I realized this I had to "break it off". I broke up with him more times than anyone else ever before and we were never even in a relationship (atleast as far as my intentions went). Sheesh. What hurt is that I loved being friends with him. We had a flirty friendship that he misread as a relationship. I have been told I suck at communicating. I also suck at breaking up. But I got lots of practice here. More than I paid for really.

Guy #4 He was fun, flirty, unassuming. He was me in a male body. Our chemistry was awesome. We both agreed that if nothing else we had chemistry. However, he was all, all wrong for me. Which is why I wanted him!! This is the story of my romantic life. Love based on chemistry. Sheesh I have gotten to the point where I am like "this multi-guy-dating has to stop!" So I was actually thinking "this is the one I pick". But Mr. Fun & Flirty ran away. Well not really. But he just wanted to keep things Hot and Light Hearted. Not Hot and Heavy. Oh well. Hot tubs, hot all nighters, hot conversations - - its true what they say . . . you can't base a relationship on heat. Dammit. I love heat.

Guy #5 Wow. OK the best part of this guy was his arms. OK, his whole body really. I hated his hair because it had too much gel in it but there was plenty left of him to run under my fingers. I have never really been a girl that needed a hot guy. In fact, quite the contrary. This guy was also ALL wrong for me. But we had such an amazing 1st meeting and such an amazing 1st date. I wish I could rewind to the end of that 1st date and just leave it at that. Leave it and say "no more, it will ruin it." Because more did ruin it. There was no improving on that first date although we tried for 6 weeks and it ended when sleepovers (or the lack of) became of issue. He disappeared. Crap. Atleast the beginning of our love story and his ARMS made it worth it. For those reasons I do not regret it. Moral of the story: if you feel inclined to leave your # for a hot waiter that gives great service, DO IT.

Guy #6 This was a relationship based on cuddling and racquetball. I guess there are worse things to base a relationship on. He is one of the very, very few people that I could talk with on the phone for hours. I am not even sure what we talked about but it was good. However, he wanted a girlfriend and I wanted a different boyfriend so we were at an impasse. He was all wrong for me too. And in truth, I really was all wrong for him too. But somehow we "got eachother" and the secret romance and the stolen kisses were fun. And he is one of the few, observant people that could recognize my fully clothed body from the back on a crowded beach he did not know I would be at. There is something flattering about that.

Guy#7 This guy was fantastic. Not passive, very direct (yet romantic) in his intentions. Very manly, rugged, sweet, sensitive. Healthy cook, good cuddler, great smile, swoonful singing voice, AND definitely ready to take things to "relationship level". But, alas, i could not do it. I did put forth a valiant effort, but in the end, it was THE END.

OK 2009 . . . Whats in store???

the pages are stuck together , , , ,

often, not always, but often i will read the last page of a book to see if i like it. i dont care that it "ruins" it. i look forward to seeing the story unfold in the other pages knowing that i will reach a good ending.
i am in the middle of a story now that has had quite a few unexpected twists. for some reason i cannot skip ahead to the final page to see how it ends. i keep threatening to quit the story because it doesn't make any sense. but every time i give up on the story something hopeful happens. the dang plot of the story is thickening and i am afraid i am getting sucked in. it has the form of a "happily ever after romance" but, like Message in a Bottle & City of Angels (i hate those books/movies), i see drama potential for a whole box of kleenex.
dammit! why cant i read the last page?? even skip ahead a few chapters? i like to do that too. i like to make sure the story is going in a direction i agree with. i did that with Twilight and my roommate scolded me but it did not ruin the story, it make me look forward to the unfolding.

deliciousness

here he is thinking about me and writing something charming.



this pic is me with my magical goblet and mr. magical himself



these pictures make me happy. and since it is a happy new year i thought i would post them as my 1st post of 2009.

Things that dont make sense

Why do i do things that i know are steps back? Why is the most precious, adorable admirer also the one i need to not be with? Why, when we all crave reassurance, do we not reassure? Why did i give myself a convincing pep talk about "no cheesecake" and then gobble some up? Why did someone get mad at me for bringing delicious refreshments? Why am i not in bed right now?

Day After Fruitcake

• Today I drove for the first time since last Thursday.
• I usually don't like to use proper punctuation but in this post I will try.
• I only had one piece of pie on Christmas day; to be specific, it was in fact, cheesecake not pie.
• Sentences with lots of commas can be tricky.
• Today was a good day at work. I was very productive and, more interestingly, got to see the giddy, girly side of someone who usually is very private.
• I had a very unexpected missionary experience today. It made me happy to feel "trustworthy & reliable."
• For Christmas dinner last night we had rib eye steak. I was happy about that.
• My mom made monkey bread for the first time in many years. I have left overs in my car and am excited to eat them.
• My roommate comes home tomorrow. Hopefully things will be back to normal.
• I have destroyed my kitchen in hopes to make it beautiful.
• Removing tile is harder work than one may think.
• As a proud yellow, I am a bit disappointed that tonight I will be skipping a party.
• I was going to go to the gym tonight but I am using my snowy driveway as an excuse not to go.
• I have a crush on a boy at work that also has a crush on me. He gets back to Portland on Monday. I am nervous about that.
• Sometimes crushes can be confusing.
  
• Sneaky kisses are exciting. Excitement can confuse true feelings.
• I need to unload my car. More accurately, I need to unload the car that I borrowed from my parents because I cannot get mine out of my garage.
• I have seen talk shows that reunite long lost family members after extended separation. This week Facebook, after a 22.5 year separation, did the same for me and my family.
• I think I gave good gifts this year.

Ridiculous . . .

i have said that i have no words about the _ _ _ _ & _ _ _ that have shut down the greater portland area but i do have words about the pros & cons of being stranded.

friday i got a ride to work and then a ride to girls night with my girlz from work. there was some mighty delicious food there. lasagna, chocolate bunt cake (made with applesauce & sugarfree pudding) - - that cake rocked.
while i was at girls night it started to _ _ _ _. earlier I had felt like a wimp for not driving to work cause the roads where dry. but at midnight when we left girls night i was very grateful for carol who was my ride AND for the post girls night girl talk that ensued.

saturday was the beginning of my hostage situation. i had one thing on my to do list: go to the post office and mail E, H, & L's christmas package. thanks to J & D mission was accomplished and then i had lunch at a chinese buffet with a bunch of potty mouth boys (and a secret crush missionary).





sunday i did not leave my house. i finished the "ugly" puzzle and read an entire book.





today work was officially closed. well HR was closed (we are non essential to saving lives) so i am destroying my kitchen. some girls should just not be allowed to handle tools (hand or power).





PROS: no work, reading time, friends who drive me, constant christmas lights all over, me time, started extreme home makeover - kitchen edition, good tunes, mail is still being delivered and delivering some pretty heartwarming cards at that, my cat is alive, i am fantastic company for myself (not boring at all!).

CONS: sister is stuck in utah and cannot make it to oregon for christmas, my house is an absolute disaster (A.D.D. and cabin fever is not a good combo), the cat is hanging out inside against my better judgement, my family is without power and stranded as well - - i am wondering if i will make it up to parrett mountain for christmas, i am wasting all my vacation days being home alone.





Highlights: the chocolate cake from friday, the chicken mac & cheese from saturday, nachoes from sunday, vanilla hot chocolate, biscuits & gravy today. comfort food . . . oh and joe's attempt to entertain me by breaking a piece of _ _ _ _/_ _ _ on his head and getting a nasty "mark" and cut. its not a highlight that he got hurt but since he went through such effort to entertain me it must get an honorable mention.

Random Review AND Deep Dish Brownies

I heard a quote several years ago that has stuck with me. Of course I am a paraphraser: "if everyone in the world gained 10 pounds we would all be much closer together." As I blog my accountability for all the dessert I eat, I find that I really do feel much closer to many of you in the process.
But in addition to my sweet tooth admissions, I also I have a few random share points to intermingle with the talk of food.
#1 - I am sooo excited to see my sis, Katie, and her family next week. And not just because there is a 100% chance that she & my other sis, Mary, will make deep dish brownies.
#2 - I love the Fergie song Clumsy. It is fun to fall in love. OK, the whole "falling in love" thing may be an exaggeration but I love new crushes. Especially new crushes that give gifts of homemade COOKIES!! And plan private cookie making parties. On the dessert scale of 1 - 10, cookies rate about a 4 or 5. But special crush cookies rate a 10!!! And I love SECRET crushes and related rendevous. Deliciously daring!! Sometimes I think I might go straight to hell for lust and gluttony but "a girl cant help it."
#3 - I have come to terms that I am a spoiled brat. Thoughtful gifts of rainbow sprinkles, GUMMY BEARS and chocolate from one that is too charming really puts me in the Christmas spirit. Two weeks ago I was feeling pretty ba-hum-bug but after cookie parties and gifts of GUMMIES I cant get Jingle Bells out of my head and the skip out of my step.
#4 - I am also HUMBLED by how blessed I really am to have good friends and supportive family. On Sunday I attempted to drive in inclement weather to my parents' house where my dad was waiting to put studded snow tires on my little car. However, on the way I got stuck in the snow and ice. MY HEROES SAVED ME!! Mikey came to my rescue and took me to a delicious burrito & fondue party with cozy, family-like friends. After an evening of friends and food, Joe took me to rescue my car. Then my fantastic roommate, Natalie, chauffered me to work on Monday. ily all.
#5 - Cold weather makes me crave blankets, books, and homemade SOUP!! Last night I made some deliciously sensual chicken and rice soup. mmmmm . . . . . and I got to share the soup with my roommate in matching blue bowls and then with my coworker Carol today at work.
#6 - Last weekend was my roommate's annual sweater party that included her traditional wassail. However, the drink hit of the evening was some eggnog delight that was mixed with delicious eggnog icecream. I have never had egg nog before and I dont think I ever will again unless it has eggnog icecream in it. It was delicious. Whose brilliant idea was that?? (hint: i am fishing for blog comments here . . .)