Anonymity

There is something about knowing other people are reading my blog that makes me anxious. This blog started off as a square assignment and a personal venue for me to muse and rant about whatever was on my mind or rather whatever was mindlessly floating around in my head.
Its not particularly that what I say is secret, its just that I dont necessarily want to talk about what I blog about. So when I get phone calls from people wanting clarification it makes me uncomfortable. If you want to comment about what I write do it on my blog. Set up your own blog. I dont want to talk about it.
I wonder if I should set up a new blog with more anonymity. I am kind of irritated that the number of my blog readers are increasing outside the square. The square is safe. But I guess I will adjust and hope my readers adjust too. (B.L. - this is not referencing you.)
Can you hear me now??

Accomplishments

I was thinking the other day about little life accomplishments. It is easy to dwell on big life failures but little life accomplishments are what keep me going. So I thought I would post just a little example since I thought of it.
A while ago someone wrote me a "i hate you because . . ." letter. It was 12 pages hand written, front and back. It bulged in the sealed envelope that was handed to me.
I knew that a bulging envelope like that could not contain anything that I wanted to read so I didn't. I didn't even open the envelope. I stuck it in my book and basically forgot about it.
A few days later my "hater" called me to apologize for the note. They had been angry and needed to vent. They hoped I would forgive them for the things they had written.
I told them that I had never read the note. They were shocked. Perhaps a little disappointed, and yet extremely relieved. They asked if I was the least bit curious and how I had restrained myself. They called me "inspired." The next time I saw that person I handed them the sealed envelope back. Not another word was spoken about it.
I am not really sure if I was "inspired." In fact, I think I was just cowardly. Recently I received a voicemail from someone that gives me great anxiety. I couldn't bear to listen to the message so I made someone else listen to it and then delete it.
People say things they dont mean. People say things they do mean but feel guilty about later. People dont say things they should.
Regardless . . . I have never wished I had read that letter.

Did you know???

Did you know that pumpkins grow in trees? Well I have photo evidence.
I guess I am somewhat unobservant sometimes. Atleast when it comes it chores.
I was mowing the lawn on Saturday and saw a vine growing in my tree and was kind of annoyed at it because I thought it was a weed of some kind and I would have to deal with it later. Well today I was out in my back yard again looking at the vine in my tree and I noticed a pretty large pumpkin (albeit a green pumpkin) attached to it. I further examined and saw that a single vine had found its way through my fence from my neighbors yard. That single vine grew and forced its way up my butterfly bush and into the 8 foot branches of my tree. And there dangling 8 feet off the the ground was a pumpkin! And there was another pumpkin growing 2 feet off the group closer to the fence. And I feel pretty dumb because obviously this has been going on for weeks right in my own backyard and I didn't even know it. Crazy!
I showed two friends the pumpkin phenomenon today and one said that it was the craziest thing he's seen all year. (I am pretty sure he's seen more than a couple crazy things too.)
Here are some pictures of the phenomenon.
#1 - the sneaky vine
#2 - the pumpkin dangling 2 - 3 feet off the ground by the fence
#3 - the pumpkin in the tree (8 feet off the ground)
#4 - the whole picture

On the brighter side . . .

I hate being negative so I will look on the brighter side. After all there is . . .
1. getting paid to be sick
2. buying the softest polar fleece pullover this week (times 2)
3. driving home with the top down yesterday
4. my new red, hooded coat
5. i have lots of good friends
6. gummy bears a plenty
7. chick flicks
8. flirting
9. advil
10. hope
11. my new playlist
12. massages
13. soup on my porch
14. the upcoming weekend
15. lots to be thankful for

things may bug me sometimes but all in all life is good.

Being Yellow

Sometimes it is exhausting to be a yellow. But then I try to not be yellow and I want to cry, pull my hair out and pass out from boredom.
Recently, I was sharing some of my random life adventures and got to one that I am not so proud of (getting a tattoo on a dare). When I was asked if I regretted the decision, I had to admit that while it was not the smartest thing I have ever done it is not on the top 10 list of things that I would do over if I had a chance.
That is the life of a yellow: impulsive, sheepish, and wondering "why the H did I do that?!" But other times I am absolutely marveled by how many completely amazing life experiences I have had. I feel blessed to have traveled and loved and played and celebrated.
I dont even know if I could even pick out my top 10 most yellow adventures, but I will share a few that I am most thankful for and that are rated PG.
** My Study Abroad to SE Asia. I didn't even have an inkling of interest in Asia at the time. In fact, I made fun of Asians (sorry Asian friends, this was pre-enlightenment). But my roommate (Big Red) said it would be fun so I did it. And it was fun and culturally enlightening. Fantastic!
** Moving to Orlando, FL. Why on earth would I move across the country to a place I didn't have a job and didn't know anyone? I ended up making some great, great friends while I was there though and have to say those years were the most fun of my whole life.
** Forgiving Easily. I have been really, really angry and frustrated with people in the past. Frustrated to the point of tears and angry to the point of being completely irrational. However, the gift of a yellow is that when someone says "I am sorry. I miss you. I need you." I can forgive. (its when they dont realize how much they like me that I continue to hold bad feelings - - a different topic entirely)
** Until I bought my house I was pretty much ready to move on a dime. If I wasn't happy with roommates, environment, or just about anything then I moved. I have lived in some pretty amazing places/ houses as a result. Sometimes I wish that I could sell my house so I could move again.
**There are some people who say I put up emotional walls and keep people at a distance. However, when I "click" with someone I throw all caution to the wind. I guess I am the kind of person who believes in love-at-first-sight and would elope on a 2nd date. Of course this has led to a few experiences I wish I could do over, but the romance of it all has been priceless. Perhaps this is why I keep searching . . . .

Island Life

What is more appealing? Life as an Amish wife? Or Life as a Tropmormish square? Tropmormish won the vote. 3.5 corners to .5 corners.
Here are the conditions of our deserted island life together:
#1 no technology
#2 we get to live in a tree house similiar to Swiss Family Robinson
#3 each member of the square gets to bring one thing to benefit the group in our new Tropmormish life.
Here is what we decided to bring:
Red: Her guitar. At first she wanted to bring a solar powered ipod but that was vetoed. Her guitar was the compromise.
Yellow: Her 72 hour Red Cross disaster kit to include also a tube of toothpaste for each square member and a Book of Mormon.
White: A tool belt complete with several hand tools
Blue: A package from UPS.
This was the most complicated decision because we had to decide what was going to be in this UPS package. A Wilson volleyball? no. Pillows? no. toothpaste? no. Gummy bears? maybe. It was a tough decision.
But in the end we came to a resolution for the contents of the UPS package. It will contain seeds! Seeds and gummy bears. And I personally will look forward to eating one gummy bear each day. I will look forward to and plan for when I will get to eat the savored gummy bear. Will it be red? orange? white? yellow? green? These will be the hardest decisions of my new Island/ Tropmormish life. I really look forward to it.
My first jobs on the island will be to carve out our Scrabble board game and to make pillows. The pillows will be filled with feathers that I will hand pluck from the gameish birds White Square strangles for our food.
This will be a good life.

speechless

i just typed a whole blog and then emailed it to myself instead of posting it.
ps i am dressing like a cow girl tomorrow for cultural awareness day at work. tight jeans (see last post), button up shirt, boots, hat. the african americans call me a caucasian mutt. fine. i'll be a mutt dressed like a cow girl.

stay tuned for pictures.