Now I do . .

I actually think I may be becoming less stubborn than I used to be. That is kind of a scary thought since I can still be pretty stubborn. But I have been making efforts to do things that before I was close minded to (aka: refused to consider.) Here are a few accomplishments:
1. Eating jello - - before I refused to eat it because i heard that it had bone and horse hoofs in it. many many years have passed until just this last month I tried it. its delicious. atleast in sugar free snack pack form. i love it.
2. Eating hot dogs - - I have not eaten a hot dog since 2nd grade. then this summer I ran a half marathon and ate a free veggie dog at the end of the race. It was so fantastic. I had a kosher dog for my birthday. This is a big step for me.
3. Reading in the bathroom - - This used to disgust me. and since so many people read in the bathroom books from used book stores and/or libraries disgusted me. but I am making efforts to get past this. i think it is working. I now even have a library card.
4. Eating in my bedroom. perhaps this comes from my phobia of ants (and bugs in general). but I am pushing past this nerosis and actaully have a little celebration inside myself when I see a dirty dish on my desk in my bedroom.

So there you go . . . those are a couple of my small accomplishments over the last few months.

You never know . . .

Sometimes, usually right after I put on my poker face toward life, I am AMAZED at humanity and how detailed my own personal cosmo is. In the sky of Sara's universe there are occasional comets and shooting starts. Even in my own universe there is so much uncharted space. The vastness of that uncharted space thrills me and gives me infinite hope.
People in general are fascinating. And every once in a while I get to meet and glimpse the humanity of someone outside of my usual realm of association. These experiences leave me giddy for more.

The Devil in my plant

For my work anniversary this year my boss gave me a plant. Over the past few months there have been character changes in the plant. Half of the plant is dead, dried up and ugly. The other half of the plant is alive, youthful and beautiful. These two halves are very distinct (as you can see below).

The other day I forgot to do something before I left for an appointment. When I got back I learned that people had had to scramble to get it figured out. My boss came in to explain the situation and I pointed to the plant that he had given me. I told him that the devil side of the plant had possessed me to leave without making sure things were in order. (He actually accepted that excuse.)

In similar theory, I have been thinking a lot about "the bigger person" vs. "the littler person". Just once I would like someone to tell me to remain immature and childish and that the other person should be "the bigger person." It never happens. I think it is my destiny to be "the bigger person." Sometimes this destiny makes me irritated. I like being immature and ridiculous dammit!

But then I picture my dad shaking his head in disappointment at me and then I feel embarrassed.

Sometimes I hate taking the step to be "the bigger person" but in the end I usually feel good and strong and, yes, even powerful. There really is power is being good.

Conclusion: I hope that the devil possessing half my plant is exorcised and that my plant lives a long and flourishing plant life.

Things that make me happy today

I am soooo happy that I can take control of a bad situation and find things to make me happy almost immediately. Life is great!! Here are a couple things about today that make me soooo happy.

#1 - my dinner date. I know I have already posted this picture but it is going in this post too because it is the only one on my computer. I am excited to be domestic for a good looking man that seems to adore me.


#2 - This picture! Tough guys with a soft side are H-O-T.


#3 - Christmas Lights are UP!! I got out of work early today so I used the time to get some Christmas lights up. This makes me happy. I think I will add more lights soon but just these lights and having had the time to do it today make me H-A-P-P-Y!!




#4 - A great workout. Something about being fired up gives me great energy and adrenaline to lift faster and heavier. I felt like a gym super star. And now I am headed back to tackle the stair stepper . . . BRING IT!!

#5 - Cheerleading friends!! Ones that text me and say they love me. Ones that assume the role of body guard. A fabulous roommate-friend!

#6 - My new General Conference talk CDs that arrived in the mail yesterday and kept me company in the car today. Love it!!

Lust

It doesn't happen very often that I develop a crush on a hottie stranger or celebrity. But it has happened 3 times in the last couple years and I thought I would dedicate this blog entry to those hottie men that have given me tingles without even so much as a touch.

#1 - the stock model in our "we know you're not afraid of needles" - give blood campaign. I love him. He is posted up at my desk and I think I want to frame him.



#2 The hottie fireman that I saw at the Safeway in Newberg 2 summers ago. I believe we made some significant eye contact too. Man! I was ready to corrupt myself and him both. Pure lust doesn't happen like that very often for me.



#3 And most recently . . . Jeffrey Dean Morgan. I dreamt about him last night. I love his ruggedness and charming smile. He is my latest crush and am grateful for him coming into my life. He makes me smile just to look at him.

Why I hate dating (part 2)

I dont like gambling. Its a waste of resources (time, money, feelings, saliva). To be completely honest, I guess I have gambled on a few occasions but it was just for entertainment value. For instance, one time I joined an office football pool where I had to pay $5 each week and make my team picks for the week. That was fun. It was a social activity. And I actually won the pool 3 times that season.
Another time I gambled on slot machines in Vegas. And once in the Bahamas. The Bahamas was a "i've-never-done-this-before-so-I'll-waste-4-quarters-to-say-I've-done-it" experience. In Vegas I got free tokens so it wasn't really my resources I was wasting.
But lately I have realized that love and dating are pretty much a stacked-against-you gamble. I dont like it. I dont want to discredit the entertainment value of the sport but once the chips start adding up to more than 4 quarters I start getting a little hestitant to keep playing. Especially when I think I might be playing a losing hand. And chances are . . . . most hands will be losers.
Here was some ways I relate dating (and love) to gambling:
#1 - the # of dates you go on does not in any way increase your chances of winning a jackpot
#2 - it is much, much more common to win back 10 quarters (still exciting) than to win any sort of jackpot
#3 - winning 10 quarters is exciting enough to keep most people interested and coming back for more.
#4 - just when you are ahead, you can lose it all on a stupid bet/ hand/ trick-up-someone elses sleeve
#5 - keeping a poker face is wise but much less fun for others and results in people not wanting to play with you
#6 - beginners luck sucks for those that have been playing a long time
#7 - just when you walk away from a table or slot machine chances are someone new will sit down and win your jackpot out from underneath you
#8 - gambling and love are addictive and irrational
#9 - Gambling and love both have tendancies to leave people saying "what the H was I thinking?" and "Why the H did I think that was a good idea??" and "Why the H didn't I walk away when I still had my shirt on (this is a figure of speech)."
#10 - When you do win the jackpot everyone else is jealous

Going Public Again

Arg . . . fine. I will go public again. Who cares. Now anyone can read my rants and antics again. Just dont quiz me about them later. OK? OK. . . .