Once upon a time (this afternoon 2:20pm ish) I decided to help out my sister, Katie, and watch her 10 week old baby boy, Cameron, while she was teaching her Primary class. So I take Cam and we go into Sunday school. Following the "Amen" of the opening prayer he starts freaking out. I leave class with baby in my arms, my church bag, and the diaper bag. We sit in the foyer and he is happy for 5 minutes before he starts crying again . . .very loud. I go into the kitchen at church and heat up the bottle as instructed (5-10 seconds) and take crying Cameron & the bottle outside. (my purse, church bag and diaper bag are still in the foyer.)
2:35pm - Katie comes outside with the 2 bags and checks on us. She tells me that she came to check on her other 2 boys in the nursery, saw the bags in the foyer and started looking for us. Apparently someone's bag got stolen just last weekend from the foyer. sheesh . . .
Katie says I can walk baby home and skip the rest of church. (I guess I got brownie points for being the only one that didn't need to be taken out of Sacrament meeting.) So with baby in my arms, heeled sandles on my feet, and my purse (with bottle), but no diaper bag, we start walking across a grassy field (remember the heels) the 1/2 mile back to my sisters house.
2:55ish pm: Arriving home, Cameron is asleep in my arms but I discover that WE ARE LOCKED OUT! I try the doors - locked. I check the gate to the backyard - -swarming with bees, I check the garage key pad - - clueless on the passcode. I text my sister . . . no response. So I sit on the front porch with Cameron face down across my lap and wait.
3:00pm - I pull out my cell phone and start taking pictures of sleeping Cameron faced down on my lap. I text them to my mom and dad hoping they will text back and I will get some sympathy. . . . no response.
3:10pm - I pull out my book and start reading. Cameron senses that I am preoccupied and wakes up. We take a few "awake" pictures and text them to my parents . . . no response.
3:15 - I take the bottle that I have set in the sunny part of the porch and feed Cameron. that takes 5 minutes and then he starts fussing. he seemed to have liked the face down position so I lay him across my lap again and pat his back hoping that will "burp" him. I feel my leg, through my skirt, getting drenched in drool.
3:25pm - Cameron and I take a little walk to the other side of the house and lay down in the grass. He smiles and looks so dang cute laying there in the grass. I want to take more pictures. So I scoop him up and carry back to the side of the house where my stuff is and grab my cell phone again. I lay him back in the grass and take more pictures. I want to get some of the 2 of us laying there together but after about 20 attempts I give up.
3:40pm ish - I am laying on my back in the grass and I lift Cameron up over my head . . . he smiles. I bring in down to stand on my tummy. . . he smiles. I lift him up over my head again . . . he smiles . . . then . . . . pukes right in my face. By "my face" I mean in my mouth, on my right check, on my neck, in my hair, and the upper right side of my shirt. I start to gag and realize that baby barf is kind of sweet tasting. This realization makes me more nauseous.
3:47pm ish - I mop up my face with Cameron's little onesy and my skirt. Cameron is fussy because I am not holding him. I pick him up and walk barefoot down the street. I carry him face down & he seems happy.
3:55ish - I start walking back up the street and a neighbor pulls over and asks me if I am locked out. I say yes, hoping that he will say that he has a spare key. He does not have a key but he offers to let me sit in his house while I wait. I quickly make an assessment . . . no diaper bag, Katie will be home in 10 min and I dont know this guy. I say "no thanks" and sit back on the porch.
4:00. Church is out now. I figure they should be home in 6 - 10 minutes. I smile. Cameron starts fussing. I get up and carry him face down up the street again. He is happy. We walk back to the house. I check my cell phone. Its 4:06. There is still no response from Katie. I do, however, have 2 texts from Joe and Mike in response to the message I sent them saying baby threw up in my mouth. I got a little bit of sympathy. I feel better knowing this. Cameron starts fussing again so I start to walk back up the street. Then back. I walk towards the garage and see Katie's minivan pull up. I AM SAVED!! I SURVIVED!
4:15pm - Katie takes Cameron out my arms and asks if he has been fussy the whole time. I say no, but he did throw up in my mouth. She laughs. The laugh seems to say "welcome to my life". I tell her we were locked out. She looks at me unbelieveingly and says she should have given me the garage passcode. I dont say anything.
4:18pm - We walk inside and I change my shirt and pull back my hair. My mouth still tastes a little like baby barf so I eat some cookie dough.
